Crotch Kick of the Week

May 9, 2007

Posted by Martin:

I don’t take a whole lot of pleasure in this one, simply because the recipient is more pathetic than worthy of wrath. I suppose if we really wanted, we could find some reasons to take joy in kicking you in the balls, David Hasselhoff. There’s your unending presence in the minds of the German people. There’s the fact that you got paid to watch breast bounce on Baywatch. Or your singing. Or even this monstrosity. But at this point, the only thing defining you is the unfortunate video of you drunk in front of your children. To say it would be because you were drunk would be lying through our teeth (We love beer), but the mere fact that you should yourself in that condition to your children is deplorable. And so, Mr. Hoff, in addition to all the other fallout from this videotape that has and will come down, add a crotch kick from 50cal to that list.

Hasselhoff


Crotch Kick of the Week #1

May 2, 2007

Posted by Chris, visuals by Martin

And the winner is… Michael Vick! Congratulations Michael! It wasn’t enough that you ran around infecting women with herpes as “Ron Mexico”. It wasn’t enough that you gave the finger to your fans – or even that you had your secret little pot stash in your water bottle while going through airport security. You went that extra mile. You had dog fighting matches in your house – complete with blood soaked carpets and furniture! Yes, you are one class act, Michael, and for that, we kick you, square in the testes. Wait… can you get herpes on your foot? We might need to rethink this one, just this once…

vickkick.gif

Now, in our discussions about this week’s CKotW, we went over the following:

Kon opines: Anyone else thinking Sony deserves it for that ridiculous stunt that pulled with the goat? The last thing Jack Thompson needs is to learn that the INDUSTRY itself is promoting super-violence or whatever he calls that garbage.

Martin writes: I think Sony gets a pass because that kind of stuff seems to be normal in Japan. Fits right in with the schoolgirl panty dispensers and the game where the objective is to stick your fingers into someone else’s unsuspecting asshole. Editor’s note – see “Kancho“, and don’t ask the editor how he knows this

Spencer writes: Besides, where is Sony’s crotch?


Wednesday is Crotch Kick Day

April 30, 2007

Every Wednesday, we’ll dole out our Crotch Kick of the week to the person we find to be most deserving of such an honor.  We’d love to have some audience participation for this one, which means you have two ways of becoming as famous as we are:

  1. Do something so moronic that you really need to be kicked in the crotch.  We’ll need proof, of course.
  2. Nominate someone who is deserving of a kick to the testes, and tell us why. 

Send your submissions to BigFat50Cal@gmail.com.  Go ahead, give us your worst.


Another Well Deserved Crotch Kick

April 25, 2007

Posted by Martin:
algore.gif

Might be a bit late to the party, but this one is well deserved. None of us think that dumping pollution into the air is a good idea, so why keep using “Global Warming” for your campaign to keep yourself in the spotlight? Please, Mr. Gore, if your weather models cannot accurately predict if it’s going to rain next week, how can they predict the climate years from now?

Sorry, but this one deserves a kick, right to the Junk Science.

Chris writes:

He, at the very least, deserves the kick for the fact that his own house consumes 20 times the average for a house in the US. He made a statement regarding this, and it amounted to the fact that he balances out his consumption with money to support “green” causes. I can see how this works out to some degree, but it makes him no less of a hypocrite. He is doing nothing different than calling for an end of obesity by eating healthy, then eating nothing but McDonalds himself but paying a staff to diet.

On a side note, does anyone else think he’s secretly screwing the Dixie Chicks?

Martin writes:

Not to mention that the organizations that support “green” causes are run by none other than Mr. Gore himself.


All-Pro Football 2K8

April 20, 2007

Posted by Chris:

Are you like me? Do you hate EA for grabbing exclusive licenses for the NFL and NCAA? Well, Digital Illusions, the folks who brought us what I consider to be the best football game since Tecmo Bowl – the NFL 2Kx series – are back in action on the new generation of consoles. Sure, there’s no NFL license, but for the real football fans, that was only the icing if the game was good enough. All-Pro 2K8 is due out on the same day as Madden, and for me, this one’s a no brainer. See the latest Game Informer for more details, or check Gamespot’s preview HERE.

Kon Transcribes: EA deserves every newton (read: measurement of force) of that kick to the crotch. Sack’s of giant dookie they are for taking what really belongs to everyone, the NFL namesake. For as little sports games, like baseball and football, that I play, I really can’t stand to see such a prominent member of the industry do such a vile thing…and with such little flak from anyone! When I heard of this a while back, I was appualed, but none of my usual news sources even had a blip on their radars about it. Maybe it is just me though. Anyway, I digress. Lets hope All-Pro 2K8 kicks the ever-living shnitzel out of EA’s Madden NFL. I want EA to know, loud and clear, that we wont stand for such crap.

I digress a lot.


The First of Many

April 13, 2007

Why Chris?  Why not?